Animated Crap: Kim Possible "Cap'n Drakken"

Ah Kim Possible we meet again, I really hate to do two Animated Crap articles on this great show but I feel like a have to because well this episode is pretty bad.

Now confession time when I first saw this episode back in 2007 when it first aired I automatically loved it but back then I was only 17 years old so my tastes where shall we say not as good as they are now, hell back then I refused to watch anime so that alone should tell you about the sate of mind I was in back then, but anyway enough trips down memory lane let's talk about why this episode is horrible.

The episode starts with the school getting ready to go on an outing trip to South Beach Bay Harbor for the week, we get some unfunny Ron moments until Mr. Barkin shows up and tells the students that the trip to South Beach has been cancelled and that every other place is booked. But as luck would have it he manged to find them a place to stay at by the name of Ft. Mystic Cove Haven and when the students get there they find out that it's an Amish style town where modern technology is not allowed and that Mr. Barkin's father runs the place.

You can tell he's Mr Barkin's dad because he looks and sounds like him. 

And here comes my first problem with the episode Mr Barkin's dad is just Mr Barkin, literally there are no differences between the two characters. They are both hard asses who do every job in the school/town and that to me just screams lazy writing, I mean they could have made this joke work had they made Barkin's dad look and act nothing like his son, you know have him be a kind gentle old man who actually likes being around Ron but nope we gotta treat the audience like morons so here's a character that's just a palate swamp of an already existing popular character.

Anyway Barkin's dad makes the kids wear period clothes and forces them to get period jobs and here's another thing that bothers me, look I know it's a kids show and all but you know if this was a legit recreation of the time period then Monique would be a slave, not being racist just saying! But then again this is a Disney cartoon and fuck knows they don't wanna be racially insensitive to any group of minorities. That's why the episode Ron The Man was never aired in Arab countries because it dealt with Ron's Jewish faith but whatever I'm getting off topic.

Worst reinsurance fair ever! 

Anyway we get some filler until we cut to Dr. Drakken's newest evil lair which is underwater because he's planing on building a doom ray underwater but get this Dr Drakken doesn't even know what it does! Isn't that funny? Yeah well anyway something gets stuck in the giant tube vacuum thing so Drakken orders his henchmen to reserve the flow but uh oh they do it inside instead of the outside! Isn't that just the funniest joke ever?

This picture sums up how I feel about this episode.

And then just as something interesting is about to happen we cut back to the town where we see that the students aren't doing so well with the jobs that they have been given. Yeah this episode is padded with pointless filler but unlike Royal Pain it doesn't become the main focus of the episode. But trust me we're only 6 minutes in and we haven't even begun to tackle the worst shit that this episode has to give us.

Anyway night time comes and Mr Barkin's dad tells the students about the town's history, basically it boils down to there was an evil pirate by the name of Black Eye Brown (Tell me that doesn't sound like a porn star name) who wanted to take over the town because well he was evil and shit but the town kicked his ass and stole his magic sword and parrot Jolly Roger, why is this important? We'll get to that later trust me.

So we cut back to Drakken who finds out that the thing that was clogging up the tube was a pirate treasure chest. Shego tells him not to open it because of the skull and crossbones on the chest but Drakken ignores her and opens the chest.

See you know it's evil because of the red eyes.

And then Drakken get's possessed by the ghost of Black Eye Brown.......yep you read that right he gets POSSESSED by the ghost of Black Eye Brown. Where do I even start with how stupid this is? Look Kim Possible works best as a spy show and introducing supernatural elements into a spy show just kills the tone for me. This is why Monkey Fist is my least favorite villain on the show because his supernatural powers and background just kinda kill the tone of the show for me.

After that we get more filler back at the town until Wade shows up and tells Kim and Ron about Drakken's plan, the two gear up and finally confront him, let me remind you that all this takes place 12 minutes into the episode so as you can see another problem with this episode is that it's main plot moves at a snails pace.

Drakken's failed audition for Pirates of The Caribbean  

Anyway Kim and Ron destroy Drakken's lair but the bad guys get away, after that Shego learns that Drakken is possessed by the ghost of Black Eye Brown and that he wants his magical sword back.....yeah just go with it. Anyway Black Eye gets his hands on the sword and instead of attacking the town right then and there he retreats to go get his crew, again more pointless padding to extend this episode's length.

Also why does Black Eye want to conquer the town so badly? The place is a fucking shit hole! Or does he still think he's stuck in the same time period? Fuck me this episode is stupid.

And then just when you thought the episode couldn't get anymore dumb, Black Eye manages to summon an entire fucking ghost ship just by waving his sword in the air......fuck I wish I was making that up.

Ghost ship!

Ugh.....this episode is fucking stupid! Seriously this is supposed to be a spy show right? So why the fuck are there ghost pirates and magical swords? Seriously what the fuck was Kim Duran smoking when she wrote this? Also did I mention this episode aired when At World's End came out? Yeah I'm starting to see why they made a pirate themed episode now.

Anyway as luck would have it Barkin's father is also a sea captain, so yeah Kim and Ron team up with him to fight Black Eye with their own ship. We get a horrible CGI battle between the two ships and Kim finally manages to get on board Black Eye's ship for the final showdown.

Pirate Kim now on sale at your local Wall Mart

So Kim and Black Eye fight but Black Eye is no match for Kim and just when it looks like he's gonna get the upper hand and finish her off Shego interferes and says that if anyone is gonna finish off Kim it's gonna be her, yeah I'm beyond caring at this point so I'm gonna wrap things up.

Anyway the good guys win, Black Eye's ghost goes back in the chest and everything goes back to normal.

Yeah this episode sucked and I really hate myself for liking it so much back when it first aired, but I guess I was just happy we got new Kim Possible episodes after that whole cancellation drama happened but even so that doesn't excuse the poor quality of  this episode. It's padded out, it's dumb, the jokes aren't funny and the CGI battle between the two ships at the end just seemed way out of place. I did chuckle at a few lines here and there but fuck me is this episode just a pain to sit through.

And I don't want anyone to think that just because I did two Animated Crap articles on this show doesn't mean that it's a bad show or that I hate it, in fact Kim Possible is one of my all time favorite shows and I encourage everyone to check it out. Just avoid this episode.

Final Rating
0/10

  

Animated Crap: Kim Possible Royal Pain

Ah Kim Possible a very underrated Disney channel show that ran from 2002 to 2007. For those that aren't familiar with the show it's about a cheerleader who is also a super spy that fights crime and super villains, pretty basic premise I know but the writers always found a way to make the show work and hell it has a huge online fanbase as well so why I'm I doing an animated crap article on it?

Two words Royal Pain.......an episode so horrendously awful that I'm pretty sure even the creators secretly wish that they never made it. Don't believe me? Well then let's take a look.

The episode begins with a school assembly in which Mr Barkin tells the students about the upcoming class president elections. Ron nominates Kim and Bonnie nominates Brick Flag the school's quarterback......yeah here is my first problem with the episode why didn't Bonnie run herself? It has already been established that she is Kim's rival on the cheer squad so it kind of would have made sense for her to run for class president seeing as she is way smarter than Brick.

God we're only a mintue into the episode and already I'm nickpicking the shit out of it. It can't get any worse right? right?

After a pointless scene in a mini golf course Kim is contacted by Wade and he tells her that a king Wallace needs her help. It is here were we are introduced to *shudder* ugh......Prince Wally.

He's only on the screen for five seconds and I already want to punch him

Okay here is the main problem of the episode Prince Wally, now look I understand what the writers where trying to do with him they made him annoying on purpose but being annoying on purpose is still fucking annoying.Wally is the most unlikable one shot character in the entire show and once again just like Rigby in "Do me a solid" this fucker gets away at the end of the episode with no consequences.

Anyway after we are introduced to Wally the king tells Kim some pointless exposition about the Knights of Rodeghan the stock villains of the episode. He tells her about some crappy prophecy and how the knights are out to kill his son. We also get a pointless flashback that looks like it's from a totally different show.

Insert Game of Thrones joke here

And you kind of start to see the other problem with this episode the medieval theme just doesn't fit with the show's tone because well this is supposed to be a spy parody and plots about knights,kings and princes just don't fit with the style of storytelling that the show is remembered for. I mean it's like watching a James Bond movie where James Bond has to protect a princess from the Black Knight I mean it just doesn't work!

After that we get a pretty boring action scene in which Ron's go kart is confused with the Wally's go kart and the knights try to kill him instead. It's dull but it goes by pretty quick so I'll let it pass, anyway the King decides that Wally is not safe at home so he tells Kim to take him back to America. Yeah this episode just keeps getting worse and worse by the minute doesn't it?  

And it's here where the writers give up on the main plot and decide to make the B plot the main plot of the episode I'm not kidding the rest of the episode is pretty much this. Wally decides to run for class president and becomes popular so much so that Ron decides to abandon Kim as her campaign manager to work as Wally's campaign manager. So yeah Ron's a bit of a douche in this episode, And this goes on for 14 minutes! It's like the writers fucking knew that they had a shit episode on their hands so they thought fuck it let's make half the episode nothing but pointless filler!

Anyway the stupid knights finally show up and we finally get another action scene it's a little better than the previous one because it is a lot longer and better animated. Although I think everyone was just rooting for the Knights to kill that fucker Wally to get it over and done with.

They are just as confused as the 5 people that are still watching

Kim saves Wally he wins class president and ends the monarchy of his country.......whoop d fucking do!

Royal Pain is hands down one of the worst Kim Possible episodes out there, it introduces us to the worst one shot character ever, it focuses on a plot that seems out of place for a spy spoof, it has boring villains and worst of all it gives up on the main plot half way through the fucking episode to focus on the B plot that just goes nowhere. And worst of all? It's just fucking boring! I mean there are other bad Kim Possible episodes like Cap'n Drakken, Grande Size Me and Trading Faces but those episodes at least focused on their shitty plots till the end, Royal Pain gives up on the main plot half way though the episode to focus on a cliched plot about being high school president.

And that's Royal Pain in a nutshell an episode so fucking bad that not even the most hardcore fans of Kim Possible like it. And to this day I have yet to meet a single person who is a fan of this show that actually likes this episode and if there is a person that likes this episode it's probably the writer of the episode Madellaine Paxson.

I looked up Miss Paxson on IMDB and I found out that she also wrote an episode of Johnny Test so yeah that explains A LOT!

So fuck this episode and fuck the network executives who green lit it.

Final Rating

-5/10